Ah to be human.  I love my life, right now, right here.  I love the cool breeze that comes in my skylight window  (that opens!) at the break of dawn.  I cuddle underneath my comfortable, excited to wake and be in this predawn safe place, with my coffee, stirring before the awake-ness of Denver shoots into motion.

IMG_20150531_070332I can almost see the earth moving.  It moves so fast. The time changes so fast.  I want to bottle the predawn and keep it forever. So I have it always.  I could go for about 5 hours of it everyday.

Its cold.  Feelings of fall fill me.  what?? fear of cold and what that means.  I find myself suddenly out of the mode trying to cool the house down  and jump into the mode of thankfulness. Thankful that I can count on it being warm today. that it is still summer.  that I can ride my moto today. that I can swim. that I can wear a tank top, that I can go to city park and run with my barefeet in the grass, that I will be hot!

I take a hot shower. I love my shower.  It makes me think of Spain, even though I’ve never been.  Blue tile everywhere, light streaming in from the skylight. Quirky, small. Blue.  I love it. How lucky am I? To have found this special European, quaint space in the middle of mid-western city on the plains.  Home to suburbia and condos, breeding ground for right angles.  Good ole Denver.  Where people curiously seem to want to move to.

IMG_20150716_071130Crashing sound outside. Car crash?  My imagination runs wild.  blood, mangled bodies, blood curling screams, people’s days ruined, no weeks ruined……wait, no years ruined.  Ugg no more thinking about this.  Good news, there was No crunchy metal sound though (forever etched into my sound memory) so I think its not a car crash, thank goodness.  construction worker probably just dropped something onto something. (lots of constructing going on)  I gotta get outa the city.  Crashes, crowded, condos going up everywhere I look, stop and go traffic to get to the mountains, marijuana and marijuana loving people all numbed out everywhere, me anxious, fear of crashes, fear of someone stealing my bike or moto, fear of landlord raising my rent, yeah I want to go to where I hear the birds singing.

Why haven’t I heard the birds singing recently?  In the spring they are a chirpy bunch but…..I haven’t heard that for awhile.

half hour later a bus turns onto my street. That never happens. why is a bus turning onto my street.  Traffic is being redirected down my street.  crap. it was  a crash.

I  step out my door and onto the iconic Colfax ave, my backyard. Police cars, flashing lights (why didn’t I hear the sirens?) I walk past the smashed cars and the lingering 2 groups of people who were each in one of the smashed cars.  ah man.  I avert my gaze.  I would be so uncomfortable if I just crashed my car, having people curiously peer at my smashed car, then to me, then back to my smashed car.  I turn as soon as I can down the next street.

I think about how in an instant, the all important things that they were rushing to get to have to be changed. They have to. No matter how important they were, they can’t get there.  Their cars are smashed and they are lucky to be alive.  Those things they needed to get to…..well, they just have to wait.  and they CAN wait.  miraculously. They CAN wait.  It will work out, somehow, someway. always.  small miracles.

Tears come to my eyes.  I feel sorry for them, for all they are suddenly faced with.  and………I am terribly scared of crashing. More so…..of people, I love crashing.  Here I am moto chic, promoting everyone to get on their moto and zoom. feel the wind in your hair and taste the freedom on your finger tips. Yes!! Yess!  mooore Pleeease!!

Stevie, on our way to the canyons of Utah to go exploring

Stevie, on our way to the canyons of Utah to go exploring

but I am terrified of crashing.

I haven’t walked down this block in awhile.  Whoa! I love love love the landscaping in the yard of that red barn shaped house. All the green looks spectacular against the Red.  The the big old beautiful tree in front makes dreamy shade.  What are those people like?  How do they have time to tend their yard?  How is it, that aesthetically and feeling wise, they have entirely nailed it.  There scene is peaceful, beautiful, shady, delicious smelling, rejuvenating. Perfection. Seriously.  How did they manage to absolutely nail it with the amazingness of their yard?  A lot of touches came together seamlessly, for it to feel and look the way it does.  The people in the house must be amazing.  Maybe she is a shaman. Well,they definitely have a green thumb.

Drink coffee out of my special mug. Today feels special. I am to leave my home soon, in a quest to create a healthier home.  I love it here. I will miss it. Yesterday I rode my bike 20 miles and went swimming.  Yes.  Nothing I rather be doing than that!  I’m simple like that.  That, is my favorite thing to do.

IMG_20150716_075113Thank you for my life. I am happy to be alive. I love it. It is beautiful….this being human thing, though precarious as it is….is truly a beautiful experience :-).

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