Wind and Waves

~ The process of aligning the life I am living…with the life in me, that wants to live! ~

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Even Indian Goddess’s struggle (every once in awhile!)

March 16th, 2012 · No Comments · La Vida

“What the hell is going on?!?!?!  I keep having these mini emergencies that completely stress me out and prevent me from saving any money at all.  Veterinary emergencies, broken furnace, leaky roof, speeding ticket (ok, I ran a red light), family strife, pink eye, broken tree branches threatening to fall on someone’s head   . . .  so I have been a stress case, my back is killing me due to a combo of stress and extreme snow shoveling.  And I definitely feel like I am somehow bringing it all down on myself.  So I decide to pull it together.  I spent my three day weekend relaxing and not “doing.”  Then on Monday, in an effort to be serene and relaxed, and on time to work, I woke up at 5:30, packed a delicious healthy breakfast and lunch, did yoga in my living room, got ready for work, and put my purse and food in my car so I wouldn’t forget a thing.  I defrosted and warmed up my car, then I drove cassidy to the dog park so she could have a solid 30 minute play time in the off leash area.  Then at precisely the right time, I harnessed Cassidy and headed to my car to do a quick dog drop off at the house and then drive to work where I would arrive well rested, excersised, well fed, and knowing my sweet animal was tired and resting at home.

But NO.  NO NO NO.  I reach for my keys at exactly 7:50, they are not there.  I employ the help of all the people in the dog park, searching for my keys which must have fallen out of my pocket into the foot of powdery snow.  They were NOWHERE. So I go home to get my spare house key from my neighbors, so I can let myself into my house where I keep an extra car key.  No big deal, right?  NOOOOOOOOO.  As I search fruitlessly for my extra car key I realize with a feeling of sickness, I used it the day before and put it in my purse.  Which is in my locked car.  Which I put in my car to save TIME.  Which I have never ever done before this day, because my resolution on this day was to be on time.  So I figure, no one will find the keys under the drifting snow, I might as well get a ride to work.  I figured I could call the locksmith after work.  Why let it ruin my whole day?  I can be serene about this. Even though I was an hour late. So my coworker drops me at my car after work.  I search around to see if someone found my keys and placed them somewhere easy to see in case I came back.  Nothing.  So I go to my car and look inside, trying to peer into my bag and see if I can detect my spare key in there.  But I can’t. Because my bag is GONE!  Someone stole it out of my car and then locked my car again!  Jerks!!!!!!  All my keys, my wallet, all my makeup (argh), my calender, my drivers license . . . all gone.  And dumbasses also stole my owner’s manual and car registration and insurance.  Just so I can spend some extra time at the DMV.  WHY???  So I spent the next six hours and all my dispensible income for the next month on getting my car and my house re-keyed, cancelling my checks and credit cards, and was so exhausted that when I woke up this morning I did no yoga, did not walk the dog, and was not on time for work.

All of my resolutions thwarted!!!!!  I could not even get through one morning of productivity and serenity.  I feel like such a failure.  I mean, I don’t work 80 hours a week.  I don’t have children.  I don’t over-commit myself to clubs, social engagements, and charities.  I don’t live with chronic pain or a mental disorder.  I don’t have a sick or dying parent.  I am not being sued. Why can’t I exercise, walk the dog, and be on time to work on a daily basis?!?!?!  Why can’t I go one month without an unexpected expense?  Why am I stressed and filled with negativity?  Why, after all these years, can’t I just keep the spare key in one safe, reliable place and not move it?”

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