Wind and Waves

My most cherished teachers, have given me advice about “belonging” because somehow, it’s a thing for me. Like, a total thing for me.  I have rarely experienced a feeling of belonging.  And when I did, I remember grasping at it, wanting it to last forever.
Em: “Why would you want to belong, you gotta get over that one, girl, the sooner the better!”
Paul:  “You will never belong you are powerfully special”
Julie: “Why would you want to be special (and belong)… that is filled with expectation of others and…..sooo boring! Be you! so much more exciting…”

I feel lucky to have such independent strong loving teachers in my life, who are willing to be so present with me, in such a deeply kind way.  Thank god for them! or I may not be here.

And yet, my wanting to belong hasn’t shifted. It is real.  I feel it today. I feel it now.

So when I discovered that Brene Brown’s new book (which has the word WILDERNESS (love that!) was about BELONGING….. I straight up bought it, even though I have about 20 books in my queue.  I am one chapter in and LOVING it!  I have tears in my eyes, as I read (listen).

I have moved from being on the fence with this woman (though I have read and enjoyed all her books and TedTalks) to officially, admiring her.

I think this book is her best and I think people are going to love it and it is going to fly off the shelves in a big way.  She seems ON, like super tapped in to what is going on internally for a lot of people right now.  Although I have only read a chapter and my feelings could shift…….this is my first impression!

Quote (somewhat chopped up)

“…..These are the moments that left unspoken and unresolved send us into our adult lives searching desperately for belonging and settle for fitting in. They have the power to break our heart, spirit and sense of self worth.  And generally you handle this in 3 ways:

1. You live in constant pain and seek relief by numbing it and are inflicting pain on others.
2. You deny your pain and your denial ensures that you pass it on to those around you and down to your children (my Dad)
3. You find the courage to own the pain and develop a level empathy for yourself and others that allows you to spot hurt in the world in a very unique way.”

I think we need to weave the tapestry of humanity back together….go into this pain and come out the other side!

Danielle Laporte, I appreciate……. how you say it, why you say it and THAT  you say it.

Keep on keepin on.  You are a dazzling role model!

“Dear God,

Show me how to love the ones that are like, really hard to love. The misogynists and boundary bullies, the fake leaders and land-rapers. Actually, for the sake of efficiency, just show me how to love the most greedy. That should cover it. (But while we’re at it, help me out with the Mean Girls, ‘cause like, whoa.)

Show me how to move my body through a time and space that is full of photoshopped illusions, exorbitant goals, and endocrine disruptors. Instead of wanting her to be any different or stronger, I suspect that you’ll tell me to shower my bodacious bod’ — every cell, and bronchial, and pore, and limb — with infinite gratitude for carrying me through gravity, sunrise after sunrise; for the ecstasy; for the endurance. On second thought, I can rescind this request for help. I think I’ve got it.

Show me how to surf my creativity like the most benevolent tsunami.

This is in the realm of super magical powers, but I’d really love to know how to transmute all of the plastic that coats the Earth and chokes her oceans into some kind of restorative nutrient. Kinda of like how leaves are made into tinctures.

This is the most basic of basics but could you show me how to sleep — sleep like I deserve to rest, with no worries about keeping up.

Sweet Father-Mother, help me get free of the damn cloud. Remind me what life was like before my devices became vices. Or even better, how I can operate from the here and now with the gifts of modernity and the intention of ancient devotion.

There is a vantage point on one of the peaks of my life with a sign that says, “You’ve come so far.” (Thanks for putting it where I can see it.) Can you help me take a break every day to walk there and enjoy the view? I’ll meet you there, with every intention of staying a while.

Thank you for absolutely everything.”

~ Danielle Laporte

I often wonder what my purpose in this life is.  I believe the closer I can get to honing it, the more meaning will flow through me.  What if some of us are here to speak for the earth?

“The earth cries like a child,

and the blood of the animal is the blood of innocence.

but,  you,

having lost your innocence,

cannot hear the cries, or the blood as it beats in your own ears.

It is to answer those cries, that I have come as I have come.”

~ A message from Martha Beck’s son, Adam, who has down syndrome

This was my first official joy ride of the summer!  It has taken me awhile to get back on my bike, after my crash and difficult fall/winter.  But Here I am!  Bill and I spent 7 hours riding through the high mountains of Colorado.  Sooooooooo Freeee!

 A bonding experience with my mom.

Beautiful morning sunrise.  uh oh……lots of clouds…..not good! 

We made it to Nebraska.  Windy. wonderfully warm and humid.  Rolling hills and lots of traffic on small time road.

Found the PERFECT spot to watch the eclipse. As the moon slid in front of the sun, I was so powerfully moved.  I wasn’t expecting to feel so much.  Whew! I can’t even put it to words.  The fricken stars came out!  We got to see the process of getting dark and then light again…in a matter of minutes.  That same process that we have experienced every single day of our lives, fast forwarded.

It Blew my fricken mind.

Holy Shit it was powerful!  I think I will start thinking about my life in terms of before the eclipse and after the eclipse.

Mom, rocking her solar sunglasses

Tis the season for Chapparal mushrooms……which happen to be delicious.  We tromped around the woods all day looking for these.  It felt like a treasure hunt. By the end of the day we realized that we had found lots!   And so we cleaned them and cooked (Timothy is quite the cook)  a delicious steak and mushroom dinner, with grilled sweet onions and rice, finished with red wine. Still had a ton of mushrooms, so the next night……pesto mushroom pasta. And Still have lots of mushrooms.  Yummm!

I have been searching for a home for about…20 years now.  Still haven’t found what I’m looking for :-(.

But This place (Morrison, Red Rocks, The hogback, the transition between the plains and the Rockies) will ALWAYS be my home home.  I truly love this place.  It feels magical.

I love my faded, comfortable, perfectly fitting jeans.  I love my Revit, ducati motorcycle jacket that makes me feel cool on hot summer days…..and you know, just cool :-).  Love my blue flatfooted soccer shoes from Colombia and I love my black tank top that I got years ago……that feels new and exciting to wear every single time!!  Style.  Love love Style!  Even if no one else gets “my style”…..it is my own, it is unique and it makes me feel super cool.  (on the days when it magically comes together!)

Now, I just need to figure out how to move into this style.  woowZa!

Storms seem to be all around.  What the heck?!  Stay focused.  Yoga……and Italian food 🙂