Wind and Waves

I am quite mesmerized by the raw honesty of Glennon Doyle.  When at the same time as releasing her book about marriage….she announced she was divorcing, I thought wow this woman is for real.  And then, she married Abby Wombach, soccer star* who I just love. So, I was super curious to hear her Story and the way she goes about telling it.

and so;  finally I am reading it. And…..Loving it so far!!

QUOTE: Glennon Doyle’s x boyfriend, telling his wife who, after a long silence had asked him, “what are you thinking about?  He said…..”I’m thinking about Glennon…she just doesn’t give a fuck”  and his wife knew this was the ultimate compliment to bestow to a woman.  She also knew this was, no, compliment.”

“Any woman who doesn’t give a fuck is simply abandoning her soul to adhere to the rules. No woman on earth doesn’t give a fuck — no woman is that cool — she’s just hidden her fire. Likely, it’s burning her up.”

 — Glennon Doyle, Love Warrior

*super side note.  Soccer!  Futbol!  I used to live across the street from the #1 soccer bar in Denver. We would have pre-parties at my apartment and then go to the game. So Frickn’ Fun.  Soccer makes me CRAZY HAPPY!  and now, I’m in a small town and wanting to watch the world cup (9am, go Croatia!!) and can’t think of anywhere  to go. Pooor me. 🙁  Sometimes I do miss the city life.

” The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

 ~ Alice Walker

The rains have arrived!!

and we wildly danced them in.

Puuure Bliss!

The band kept playin’.

the Old the Young

the Hippies , the Cowboys

the Yuppies, the Vets

ALL…. of us moving as

 one

thirsty ⋅ appreciative ⋅ body

Dancin’ underneath a rainbow with big wet drops

DRENCHING

us.

YES!!!! Ahhhh.

ESO!!

Now is that special time when things are BLOOMING! So exciting!

Here’s me, looking all happy and innocent after I traumatized a poor hungry mouse.

Trauma. Trauma. Trauma! What a fascinating subject. I have been diving in. Deep. So much to learn.  Like. So. Much.  As a society, we are only just breaking the tip of the ice-berg.  But we are uncovering more and more, in depth-ful expansive ways.

It took me awhile to land on the concept of trauma, for me personally.  I thought it was a word associated with war.  And war has felt far from my sphere.   It  took me a LOT of SLOW realizing to unpack the word and personalize it.   This seems to be my way in the world. SLOW realizing. OMG. SLOW.  (I am learning about patience too!)

So far, I understand ….. that the point of life is to ultimately give and receive love. And  learning is a part of this exchange. It is attention.  Attention is love. And so, life is not about being smart, having a good job and being good. Ha! who knew. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger (not that I would have listened) my eager little self was so ready to be good, to please, make people like me, to make situations flow nicely. (my parents may not share this perspective ;-)) Life is about learning and intimacy (with everything) At least this is what I have come to……………..thus far.

Slowly I am unraveling  and the word trauma keeps coming up. My girlfriend Julia first put this to me.  As a Mental Health expert working for the State of Colorado, she attends lots of conferences and collaborates with leading edge speakers. One of her speakers elicited a thrilling resonance for her.  Julia called me from her car afterward to tell me about it. “You know”, she started slowly…..”you might have some trauma…..”
WHat?! me? I grew up in a rich white mountain community with loving parents and even a stay at home mom.  not me. But you know. Her words resonated somewhere and slowly rippled in.
So Yeah. Along with our culture, I have a wide and widening understanding of Trauma.

I am staying in a little straw bale cottage. Care taking. It is Dreamy. I have to pinch myself.  Is this real? Laura, you don’t deserve this. Yes you do. Thank you thank you thank you thank you Thank you. lady who owns the cabin, Great mystery universe, Aya, the stars….. Thank you!!
And. My job is;  to keep it clear of mice.

So I timidly set up a mouse un-killing trap.  When the SNAP sound happened, late last night, I knew he didn’t die. But I can say, I completely traumatized the little guy. I finally released him in the morning after being cooped up all night and freezing (I put him outside— yes I did that 🙁 ) I couldn’t bear to hear him nibbling to get free all night.

In the early morning hours, in the thawing rays of sunshine, I released him to my favorite land….an act partially fueled by my guilt. I watched him, slowly make his way through the tall grasses. His life force was way low. His fur was ruffled. He was shivering. and his poor little tale had been pinched in trap door. It may have fallen off…..I didn’t want to see. This little guy was cute. way cute.
So I didn’t kill him. Is this good? I am releasing him totally traumatized!  Because he is an animal and wise in these ways maybe he will release the trauma quickly and easily? Will he find food and warmth and other mice friends, in his new land today?  God I hope so.

I’m not sure this is better than ….. just killin him in a kill trap.  Working through trauma can be very difficult life work.
Oh man. This “task” is a little harder than I imagined. Does anyone have a cat I can borrow? Ha!  Let nature take it’s course and I can slip out of chain of perpetrating trauma?!

Ahhhhhh!

Flowers do not force their way with great strife.
Flowers open to perfection slowly in the sun.
Don’t be in a hurry about spiritual matters.
Go step by step, and be very sure.

– Grace Cooke / White Eagle

“You are beginning to understand, aren’t you?
That the whole world is inside you –
in your perspectives and in your heart.
That to be able to find peace,
you must be at peace with yourself first;
and to truly enjoy life,
you must enjoy who you are.
Once you learn how to master this,
you will be protected from everything
that makes you feel like you cannot go on.
With this gift of recognizing yourself,
even when you are alone,
you will never be lonely.”

– Unknown

  “Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself. A woman who listens to her needs. Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past’s influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf. Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods. A woman who imagines the Divine in her image and likeness. Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough just as it is. Who celebrates her body’s rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the body of the Goddess in her changing body. A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use her precious life energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the woman in her life. A woman who sits in circles of women. Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets. Imagine yourself as this woman.”

by Patricia Reilly

A day to celebrate saints, ancestors, and others in the less than visible world.

We are the sum of our ancestors
Our roots stretch back to blue-green algae
They stretch to the stars
They ultimately reach the void
This history is inscribed in our psyches
Silence and solitude enjoin us to remember
Our whole and great body. Joan Halifax

Find what is natural, not what is normal. Panache Desai