Wind and Waves

The Soul In A Body

is like an old Russian immigrant
looking out his apartment’s only window.
Yes, yes, he says.
The landlord printed my name in block letters
on the lobby directory
decades ago.
All correspondence
has been forwarded to this address.
But I am not from here. I am not
from here at all.

I was sooo appreciative to see the sun and flowers in the morning.  whew!  I hope I don’t have another night like that for a long ass time.

Melissa Michaels

“THE CRONE IS FINALLY CLAIMING HER INSIGNIFICANCE It really takes a crone heart to understand what ease it brings for her. All her life was about chasing significance. She desperately needed to know that she mattered. She felt she existed if people knew her, loved her, wanted her, asked for her. Appreciation fired her juices. Visibility made her strive to new heights. One just was supposed to keep getting bigger and better. She must contribute, make a difference, show people her special gifts. Of course she must work hard. Earn the respect and awe of the world. That is success. You get the drift don’t you? She had to go through that cycle to know better. As a crone,she feels free to step off that wheel. Her pursuit of significance is the final letting go towards freedom. Suddenly her being dives deeper for the pearls. Her truth shines forth effortlessly. She sings her soul song clearly, unhindered, fearlessly. Who would have thought her power was in that letting go of the burden of significance. She cares deeply, but it’s okay if you don’t get her. She’s okay not being visible. Actually, she’s loving it. What is coming through her just now is too important for her to be distracted. She’s not performing for anyone but her truth. And her truth hits home. She’s deep at work whether or not you know it or acknowledge her. Her medicine is potent. And perhaps too radical. Right now relaxing on her couch, with her tea. Go strike a conversation with her. She’s the painless wisdom tooth of the world. Joyous Woman with Sukhvinder Sircar WILD WOMAN SISTERHOOD™”

Emerald North

These women have taught me a LOT.  I feel SO lucky that our lifes paths have crossed and I have been able to spend a lot of time with them.  Mostly they have taught me by being who they are and doing what they are doing.  This idea of “crone” pulls me forward when I get discouraged.(which I am now in my life)   Although youth is what we as a culture value and the idea of getting older sucks…..When I think of these two women, who totally embody “Crone” I feel a deeply hopeful happy feeling inside.  It feels incredible.  In my (very limited awareness) of my ancestral line…I suspect the women didn’t embody “Crone”.

It is my hope and my goal to do enough healing and learning in my life to become a Crone.  So far……I feel like a maiden, riding the wild seas, not knowing what the fuck is going on and who or where I am!  And looking for validation from anyone who will glance in my direction.

But I can feel my boat steadying……

“If I could do one thing differently it would be to get some humility earlier. It’s OK not to know something and to be a beginner. You’ll move faster if you’re the one who asks the silly question, who experiments without pretending you’ve got everything together straightaway – be willing to ask if you’re not sure.”

I have a real artist eye.  I see the world in symmetry and color.  The details are a blur.  Color is my happy place.  I LOVE color.  LOVE LOVE LOVE color!  One of the most joyful parts about working at the restaurant is seeing what everyone is wearing.  How they have put it together, how those colors match their insides…I’m constantly complimenting people.  If I could make a catalogue with all the article of clothing that I have complimented, I would be in HEAVEN!  Some people’s shirts or shoes or skirts I love so much, I make a mental note to take a road trip to the store where they got it. And I am serious.

As for me.  I am constantly discouraged about the way I look.  Trying, trying to get my skin to look better.  Willling it to smooth out.  wishing my teeth white (because I can’t afford the $400 to do it)  Selfie after selfie. discouraged.  So much I would shift on my face if I could.  Why!!  I know this is a waste of time but…..but………but really, I do know deep inside, that this is bratty.  Take what you’ve got and appreciate it!  We are lucky in this life to have a face a body that moves swiftly.  Appreciate it! Don’t be a brat.  I see so many people having so much fun with the bodies they have come into this life with. (I think about this as I admire how a silver shimmery dragon fly necklace is perfectly placed on the chest of the hotel connoisseur who has smooth beautiful tan skin.)  she is using what she’s got.

Sometimes in my darker moments I ask god, why would you give (someone with my looks) Such a keen eye for colors, symmetry and very particular esthetics……….that is a touch of torture.  How can I ever be happy with what I’ve got? [Read more →]