March 20th, 2015 · La Vida
precipitously out on so many emotional limbs, it was as if I had been born; and in fact I was being reborn as the woman I was to become.”
Wow. Alice Walker is an awesome woman! I only recently discovered, that she has written a ton of really good books, other than The color Purple, which….you know, is super intense!
I love her honesty and her calm, motherly, loving energy she puts out to the world.
In addition to Alice Walkers, Hard Times Require Hard Dancing, book of poems, I am currently reading a few spiritual books (what else is new!) and one of the book suggest that we look at our bodies and try to understand what our life purpose is by the body we chose to inhabit for this lifetime. An interesting thought! I do look at myself and wonder why I am so strong and why my bones are so big…….I have a body that is designed well to be outside. This much I understand. If i could chose a face to have in this lifetime, I would chose Alice Walker’s! I think she is Beautiful. Deeply beautiful and easy to receive. She has a kindness and a strong sense of personal sovereignty that is gripping. She strikes me as someone who is not afraid to explore her truths deeply and speak them, kindly, assuredly and gently. Thank you Alice Walker!! For being an elder, feminine role model!
Today is the first day of SPRING!!!! To celebrate, I made a collage. Well, it isn’t done yet but I had the opportunity to dazzle my eyes with flowers and greens and colors and blooms and blossoms and running water and sunshine! Ah spring is so delicious!
I woke to the birds chirping! One of the most beautiful sounds in the world. My tulips were alight with Sunshine. and I was feeling MUCH better. Thank god! I spend all of yesterday in bed, so so sick. So today really feels like a new shining day. Everything is new. It is strange to spend the entire day in your bed. It gives you a whole new concept on what a day is. It feels like an eternity. Amazing that our days feel like they go so quickly because actually they are so long! I realized this also, on my vision quest. How slowly, slowly the sun creeps across the sky.
I treasure the gift of time moving slowly.
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March 15th, 2015 · La Vida
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March 10th, 2015 · La Vida
I began my dance practice 2 years ago. It has been an incredible way for me to tune into my inner landscapes and it has been scary as hell! it has been colorful and euphoric and sometimes crippling in the way it puts me in touch with my deepest insecurities. During some dance sessions I soar and skip and hop and in other dance sessions, I hold my heart, as I sway and let the tears flow. This is the way of this dance.
It is called the 5rhythms. It is body of work that Gabrielle Roth imparted to the world. Check it out!
This last Sunday was, International Woman’s Day. And how appropriate for me because I was exploring Yin energy on this day, which often manifests in feminine qualities! Randomly, during my dance practice, I had some revelations about femininity in my ancestral line.
So in my dance I was thinking about moving forward with my pelvic bowl, my 1st chakra. I was thinking about relaxing and being. And I was thinking about how feminine this quality is.
And……… I was thinking about how I did not see this quality in my Grandmother, hardly ever. She was Always doing! Doing, doing, doing. And now her daughter is always doing, doing, doing. I find her energy stressful to be around. My Dad is always doing doing doing!
and How I; am only sort of doing doing doing….. (although some friends would say otherwise) And I am busy feeling guilty for not always doing doing doing!
The doing doing doing is survival. It is the way of the agrarian ancestors and then the ancestors who chugged through the Industrial revolution, But what about now? The technology age? Things are happening fast and I think the role of women and how we radiate or feminine essence is confused! I suspect my Grandmother would have loved the opportunity to BE Beautiful. Dance. Be pampered. Take hot baths. Be the beautiful Dancer. Sarah the gorgeous Dancer. I can just see it. I think this would have put more acceptance into our family line, more happiness, more yin energy more femininity. But Grandma was always working. Working because she had four kids, working because they didn’t have a lot of money, working because her husband was always making business deals that fell through and sent them reeling, working because she felt better about herself when she was busy and in charge and in control. This is my suspicion.
That very delicate wispy, wimsy, strong, inspirator, beautiful Yin energy that reside in all of us, needs to be protected. Needs protections. Needs to be housed. Need kindness. Needs room in the darkness to be a light. And it needs to trust the Yang energy so it can feel safe to truly be itself.
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March 9th, 2015 · La Vida
This saying has been something that has come up continually, probably since about high school. My personal interpretation to this cliched, phrase, seems to change by the week.
The feeling of peeling the onion of life over and over again, peeling at the same part of the onion but working on a different layer of it……… is an aspect of life, I really enjoy. It beckons me out of my self made cage, into bigger broader landscapes, where there are different canyons, different flowers, different rivers, where I experience different feelings and different connections/relationships and ways of relating.
Thank you life!
I went to see Julie Davis, a shamanic Practitioner.(absolutely love visiting her!!) When I get the opportunity to see her, I am filled with an exquisite feeling. She sees me and she deeply respects me and she is rooting for me. I mean, she truly sees who I am, in a souls essence kind of way. Its like a mothers unconditional love but Julie is not my mother and that is what makes it so amazing feeling. If a random woman out in the world, sees me in this way, than there must be some truth to it and she must be tapping into some inner essence of mine and that inner essence and light must be shining out because she can see and feel it!
Julie is enthusiastic about my ‘spriritual moto tours for women’ project. Yay! She sees it clearly. Yay! But I gotta get stuff straight with me. I have a lot of projects I’m putting time and energy into.
I mentioned to her that I also really want to spend time writing, getting my authentic voice out there, playing with it, seeing what it looks like and feels like. (crazy to think that at 35 years old, I only half know!) Julie, excitedly suggest I write about my decision process of having the tours be composed of men and women or just women, write about the joy of moto trips that I want to share with people, and what i think I have to offer, and then packing the bike, sacredly, cooking food sacredly, ones relationship with the road, ones relationship with your bike, your relationship with yourself.
But! I protest! “I don’t know how to make food sacredly?! Let alone talk and teach it. ”
“Do it mindfully” she nudges. “It’s just about being Mindful”
“What is being mindful??”
“And so, write about that” Julie gently suggests! And so, here I go, in light of emboldening my process….I am going to write some quick thoughts on mindfulness..
Ironically, a lot of things my life right now are pointing towards that.
In facilitator Training (deep listening) we are learning about mindfulness. It is important that we, as someone who is facilitating, are an “empty bowl” a “meadow”. We must be aware of our thoughts that arise, our masks we wear for the world, or baggage we carry with us, so that we can put all that aside and listen, Truly listen, deeply listen to what another soul is saying.
An aspect of this that I’m realizing is equally important is “letting Go”. As I reflect on my life, there have been Hundreds, thousands of exercises in “Letting go”
Here are a few examples;
letting go of my tears, welling up in my eyes. Letting go of my moto that allows me to explore, be happy and be somebody. and is proof that I am enough, that, I have done well (because I spent hours fixing it and it was real nice!) Letting go of my identities; a soccer player,a hearty Outward Bound instructor living in Moab, an athlete, a straight A student, the quiet one, the free spirit, the biker girl with no car. Letting go of boyfriends, whom I genuinely, deeply love. Letting go of your poop. Letting go of a beautiful big bubble you are blowing on your bubble wand. Letting go of your apartment, your city, your country, your clothes. Letting go of the picture on your iphone (swiping it away to view something else) Even Leaving your house everyday is a letting go!
and seriously, I could go on and on and on.
Scott and I were sitting in Boulder the other day, in the sunlight. Wow it felt good! A woman with a Big Dog sat next to us and we watched curiously, as passer bys, responded to this unbelievably big loving, bear of a dog. One man took a long, relaxed time to look at the dog. He took a few steps, continuing his walk and looked at us. Each of us, in the eye for an uncomfortably long time. He was really listening, observing, taking in who we were. How uncomfortable! But he had no judgement. He seemed to be beyond judgement. There was no time, in the precious minutes of his life that were left, to judge. He said ” it is all about letting go” As I get very close the other side, I understand that is is all about letting go.” He had a headband wrapped around his head and we assumed he was in the middle of chemotherapy. He bowed and walked away. Leaving us stunned. Leaving us…..needing to let of that profound moment of synchronistic insight, so we we could move into the next moment.
I find it curious/interesting/funny/amazing…how characters come into your life telling you just the thing you need to hear or need to see to understand or need to feel, so you can integrate.
In Facilitator Training yesterday, we were talking about being mindful. A fellow classmate shares with us, an excercise she does which is to be aware of her sheets when she crawls into bed in the night. The feeling the smell the sensations….
And then Carole steps in to add, “and let that feeling go”
What? This is where I get a little confused. I write a little note to Noah, “How do you Let go of the feeling of your sheets?” He quietly whispers, “By accepting them.”
hmmmm. wow. and this sets me on another set of revelations. It is ALL about Acceptance. Energy that is devoted to self -criticism doubt, condemnation, and rejection keeps me locked in a state of negative self – centeredness. But paradoxically, the more I Accept my imperfect self the easier it is to rise about my supposed defects and align with my soul. It seems that, rejection aggravates situations, while acceptance proves to be a calming balm. I have been noticing (after 35 years of “trying” sooo fricken hard!) that I tend to believe I never do my best; I always feel I could” and “should” do better!
It would feel great to Accept my human limitations as neither moral failures nor indictments of me personally. Mistakes, limitations, falling short of doing enough -these are all natural facets of living as a “human being in progress.” Right? Ahhhhh. sigh of relief. I can just feel how that releases the ever present pressure I create for myself as I navigate this thing we call life!
And so, I think some important lessons for me are about letting go.
so I can be present. Present to my life, present to myself, present to my dreams, present to my relationships present to people I am facilitating.
to be MIND – FULL…….. I need to LET – GO.
wait, huh?! what??!
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