Found these looking through my journals from 4 + years ago. Nothing changes. Have I been listening to myself???

Life While-You-Wait.
Performance without rehearsal.
Body without alterations.
Head without premeditation.

I know nothing of the role I play.
I only know it’s mine. I can’t exchange it.

I have to guess on the spot
just what this play’s all about.

Ill-prepared for the privilege of living,
I can barely keep up with the pace that the action demands.
I improvise, although I loathe improvisation.
I trip at every step over my own ignorance.
I can’t conceal my hayseed manners.
My instincts are for happy histrionics.
Stage fright makes excuses for me, which humiliate me more.
Extenuating circumstances strike me as cruel.

Words and impulses you can’t take back,
stars you’ll never get counted,
your character like a raincoat you button on the run —
the pitiful results of all this unexpectedness.

WP

If only I could just rehearse one Wednesday in advance,
or repeat a single Thursday that has passed!
But here comes Friday with a script I haven’t seen.
Is it fair, I ask
(my voice a little hoarse,
since I couldn’t even clear my throat offstage).

You’d be wrong to think that it’s just a slapdash quiz
taken in makeshift accommodations. Oh no.
I’m standing on the set and I see how strong it is.
The props are surprisingly precise.
The machine rotating the stage has been around even longer.
The farthest galaxies have been turned on.
Oh no, there’s no question, this must be the premiere.
And whatever I do
will become forever what I’ve done.

Amber and I climbed, hiked,ok……strolled up it today. And Steve took a picture of us from his house. Can you see us? On the P? I’m in red……? (I can’t see us either)

I am soo appreciating the shape time is taking on, due to Quarentine. It is luxurious. Soak it up baby! This won’t last.

Here is where the Queen sits and rules her WORLD! Now……if we could only get her to sit!!

Oh where is the color in my life? The warmth? The feeling of safety?

Where have they gone??? How do I get them back?

he sees the color, he has no color
I look at him and I get grey in me He looks at me and he gets color in him.

I look in the mirror and I feel warmer, livlier, I see youth. even beauty, sometimes. sHe gives the life she has. He has no life.

sHe stayed but never arrived.